A Drama in Many, Many More Parts Than Anyone Could Possibly Care About, Except It Clearly Should Be Recorded For Posterity
Cast of Characters:
New Job – Organization located somewhere in the vicinity of Mardi Gras land
Current Job – Belongs to the same big organization as New Job, but different geographical location
Girl – That would be me
Act I: (6-ish Weeks Ago)
New Job: We want you to take this job. Here is what we will pay you.
Girl: I will take new job.
New Job: Can you start tomorrow, seeing as how you are already here and everything?
Current Job: NO. Girl, you are out of your mind. Oh, and P.S. Your Current Boss is leaving as well. And you are ruining everything, selfish girl.
New Job: We will wait.
Act 2:
Girl: Am taking new job. Am moving! La la la…very soon! Just waiting on all that official stuff.
(Girl waits. And waits. And waits some more.)
Current Job: Here, we will be all passive-aggressive about this whole situation. Bah.
Act 3:
New Job: Tiny, tiny problem. Just need you to re-do your resume, quick-like.
(Girl complies.)
Current Job: What the frack is going on, anyway?
Girl: Just a tiny, tiny problem which I have already corrected. News will come any day now. Am moving!
Girl’s Friends and Family: What the frack is going on, anyway?
Girl: Moving! Really! Yet I cannot do anything moving-like, because it is not quite yet all official. MOVING!
(Girl runs out of work to do. Because clearly this will all be resolved any day now and then she will certainly be out the door, no?)
(Girl totally gives up on any moving-like activities, in the fear of jinxing everything.)
Act 4:
Girl: New Job, what is the hold up now?
New Job: Hold up seems to be on your end.
Current Job: We’ll get around to returning that call someday.
(Girl waits.)
(New Job waits.)
(Radio silence.)
Act 5:
Girl: HALLELUJAH! Is official “tentative job offer” e-mail. We are getting somewhere now!
(Fills out 2 quick pieces of paperwork and returns them post-haste.)
Girl: Hello? Hmm, wonder what next step is.
Friends and Family: WHAT THE FRACK IS GOING ON? Are you just joking about this whole “moving” thing?
Girl: But see, I got an e-mail. All official-like. Things are happening!
(Universe laughs and laughs.)
Act 6:
New Job: We hear there are “issues.” We understand you have to make a “decision.” Please choose us. We love you and are eagerly looking forward to working you into a pile of mush for the next 3 – 5 years.
Girl: Gah, “Issues”? I don’t know what the issues are. “Decision”? I already MADE my decision, back in Act 1. Am very, very confused. Also, frustrated.
Current Job: Oh yeah, there are some issues. We will finally decide to make you aware of them. And the issues are totally ours and not yours. Your leaving screws us over in a manner that you were not aware of. You are totally irreplaceable and work in an office full of morons.
Girl: And this is my fault how, exactly?
Current Job: New Job, you cannot have the Girl unless you come up with a new plan.
Act 7 (Present Day):
Girl: Yo, this is bullshit. Who is supposed to be watching out for ME? Who will speak up for the poor Girl?? Let me call HR.
(HR totally ignores Girl.)
New Job: We’re going to try something else.
(RADIO SILENCE from all parties involved.)
Girl: Do not mind me, co-workers, am just going to sit over here at desk until brain actually explodes.
(Co-Workers could not care less about Girl’s predicament, except that the Princess is insisting upon a farewell party and it cannot be planned it until we know when she’s actually leaving. Or IF for that matter.)
(Girl ponders future career as Starbucks Barista. Already knows the lingo!)
(Girl stress eats. COOKIES!)
(Girl wastes time writing blog entry. Because really, what else is there to do at this point??)
