Year in Review Monday, Dec 31 2007

Let’s take a little look back at 2007, shall we…

January – I get a yearly bonus.  Best Friend T turns 30, kicking off the year that the all of us will turn 30.  My brothers turn 19 and 24.  I feel old.  My dad and my brother go to Seattle to see my grandfather, which will turn out to be the last such visit.  Best Friend T almost goes into early labor and we host an un-shower “Spa Day” for her. 

February — T’s son, Master J, arrives on February 2.  Lending credence to the whole “Circle of Life” theory, my grandpa dies on February 5 and I am heartbroken.  My sorority girls put together a great recruitment and we gain several new members.  My schedule is abso-freaking-lutely insane for the entire month. 

March — I start a blog.  Currently, about 5 real people and 50 billion spammers read it.  My cousin and her partner are united in a ceremony in Puerto Rico and it turns out that my mother didn’t realize said cousin was gay until the wedding invitation came. 

April — We have what may be the coldest Easter on record and celebrate my mom’s birthday.  I go to a big conference in the mountains of VA and enjoy a few days of very little work.  I apply for a new job at work.  The Virginia Tech massacre hits very very close to home.  At the end of the month, I travel to Michigan with my parents for the first of my grandfather’s two memorial services. 

May — I interview and am REJECTED for the new job at work.  I begin to explore other options.  I accompany Best Friend T and her two kids to D.C. for a weekend and learn lots of lessons about parenthood.  The Boy and I dork out at Jamestown for the 400th anniversary.  My parents’ dog Faye dies. 

June — I ponder applying for jobs in Germany.  My entire family goes to IL for the second memorial service, and thanks to the general shittiness of the airline industry, arrives more than 24 hours after we were originally scheduled to.  Friend B turns 30.  Best Friend A’s husband leaves for 3 months in Italy and we think about making plans to visit him. 

July — I actually apply for two jobs in Germany as work kicks my ass.  At the end of the month I fly to Orlando with the president of my sorority chapter to attend our nat’l convention.  We cover the whole of Disney World in 7 hours.  It is hot as hell.  My friend M’s daughter M arrives 8 weeks ahead of schedule, tiny but perfect.

August — The Divine Miss M (T’s first kid) turns 2.  The Boy and I have a big fight and that whole “thing” seems to be over.  I go to Nashville for a work conference and am subject to more flight shenanigans.  I also buy a new mattress.  Friend B tells us she’s postponing her wedding.

September — My friends and I start a weightloss challenge, which I am sure to lose.  I begn to wonder if I will be stuck at this job forever.  My migraines return with avengence.     Nothing else of note really happened this month.

October — Best Friend A’s husband returns home from Italy just in time to celebrate her 30th birthday with us.  Friend E comes to visit from Atlanta.  Friend B tells us she’s now getting married in December and we all expend a lot of energy trying to figure out a bridal shower conundrum. 

November — With much trepidation, I turn 30.  I also get a nice haircut.  A neurologist tries to figure out why I’m having such migraine issues.  I randomly put in my resume for a couple other jobs.  Friend B has a bridal shower and a spa day.  At the very end of the month, the possibility of returning to New Orleans (temporarily or permanently) resurfaces.  Friend Al also turns 30.  We are all now old.

December — Friend B gets married and I am the ONLY PERSON AT THE WEDDING WHO IS ELIGIBLE TO CATCH THE STUPID BOUQUET.  New Orleans becomes a reality, at least for a 60-day temporary assignment.  I get to go back for a couple days to transition with the person who currently has the job.  I buy all my Christmas presents after Dec. 20.  I will spend New Years Eve with some of my best friends, doing two of our favorite things — eating and playing games. 

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Things I could/should/will blog about… Thursday, Dec 20 2007

Soonish?

In no particular order:

• The job I turned down today.  The one that was sort of in the boonies.  Okay, really in the boonies.  It was a promotion, but that was about all it offered.
• The way that I’m getting a reputation as a really good cook, but it’s pretty much a sham.  Basically, I’m a really good recipe-picker and I can, you know, follow instructions and occasionally I’m willing to take a chance and put my own spin on the recipe, the first time even, just to see what will happen. 
• The fact that it is December 20, which means, like, 4 shopping days till Christmas Eve and I?  HAVEN’T STARTED SHOPPING.  I was waiting for my paycheck, you see, and I know what I want to get everyone so that is a start, no?
• The two hours yesterday afternoon that my heart was in my throat — it started with my new girly doctor telling me I had lumpy breasts during my annual exam and hmmm, there was one lump and she didn’t think it was anything but maybe I should get it checked out and yeah, she thought I should do it before I left town for two months “just in case,” because that’s not something you just want to wait on.  This was followed by the imaging center saying they could fit me in if I was there in half an hour and me undergoing an ultrasound while trying not to panic and I think I really only stopped WRITING MY WILL IN MY HEAD when the radiologist told me it was nothing, NOTHING to worry about at all, thank god.   And then I swore to myself that I would do the monthly checks just like I told the doctor I do, when I don’t really at all. 
• Watching my baby brother sing “Ave Maria” last night at choir practice all by himself and I could barely look at him because it would make me cry.  Who is this kid?  Wasn’t it just, like, a year ago he was born 6 weeks early, weighing 3 lbs., 4 oz., and then he was a precocious 5 year-old who walked around on his tiptoes all the time and believed any white lie I told him??  And now he’s 19 and a sophomore in college?  Like, when did that happen? 
• And finally, what about the fact that I volunteered to sit for Best Friend T’s kidlets tonight so she and her hubby could go shopping, despite the fact that she and the kids and the hub have all been sick with the PLAGUE for more than a week and really, her house should be under quarantine and no perfectly healthy person (like myself) should be admitted?  But yet, babysit I will and will probably willingly give them kisses and nibble on their delicious little faces and wipe noses and get myself thoroughly covered in little kid germs and end up sick as a dog just in time for the holidays and I will have no one to blame but myself.  It’s just that they’re so darn cute and I have to get my time in with them now before I go away for two months and POOF when I return, they’ll probably be 19 years old too.  And in my experience, no self-respecting 19-year-old will let you nibble their cheeks. 

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Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans? Monday, Dec 17 2007

The trip to NOLA last week went very well.  I’m excited about going back, excited about the work I’m going to be doing and the people I’ll be working with, excited about being in that amazing city again.  They really want to try and put me in this position permanently, so I’ll just have to see what happens.

But I’m struggling with it too.  Some people think it would be good for me.  Other people (namely my boss) think I would be making a big mistake.  That the job will be a dead end or that I won’t be happy.  And I have to admit that his doubts have put a few doubts in my mind too.

Which drives me crazy — there are some people that want all the advice and opinions in the world.  I am not one of those people.  I listen to the advice and the opinions but in the end, I have to find the true answer, the right answer, within myself. 

And right now my mind is clouded and filled with too many voices and I’m frantically trying to handle everything that needs to be handled in the next 3 weeks.  I don’t have the time to second-guess my decision.  I don’t have time to be worried.   The time for analysis and discussion and obsessing is over. 

 Now is the time to take a deep breath, block out everyone else and do what I think is right for ME.  Not for my family or my friends or my boss or the office or my sorority girls or anyone else.  I have to be completely, totally selfish.  And if it’s a mistake, at least it’s a mistake I made on my own terms and I have no one to blame but myself.

It was great to be back in that office.  It was great to see old friends.  It was great to have a new challenge to look forward to.  My gut and my heart are telling me that I need to take this opportunity.  I’m so excited I can hardly stand it and that may not make sense to anyone else but me. 

And I don’t care.  Because right now, I’m the only one that matters. 

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Quick Update Monday, Dec 10 2007

I’m not moving to New Orleans.  Not yet anyway.

I am flying there THIS AFTERNOON, to stay for a couple days.  And I will be returning on Jan. 2 to work there for 2 months. 

Because clearly, I have lost my mind. 

But anyway, I have to go there this week to spend a couple days with the woman who currently has the job that I’m going to take over. 

And I’m super, nauseatingly nervous.  Why?  Let me give you a lil’ list:

• Travel arrangements — the last three airplane trips I have taken have all been screwed up all to hell.  I’ll consider it lucky if I make it to NOLA and back on the correct days.
• I always get nervous when I’m seeing people again that I haven’t seen in a long time.  Several of my former co-workers from my last New Orleans stint are still around and even though I’m really excited to see them again, it also makes me jittery.
• What if the woman I’m supposed to work for hates me?  Or hates my clothes (I’m always inordinantly concerned that people will judge me by appearances alone)?  What if she’s mean?  What if everyone is disappointed after my former boss there talked me up like I was the second coming? 
• Plus, I’ll have to see my ex-boyfriend at the airport, most likely, for that is where he works.  Gah.

Oh, AND, I had a telephone interview for another completely unrelated-to-NOLA job last week and it turns out it’s down to me and one other person.  And I’m kind of sure I don’t want it at this point (main reason — it is in the boonies…aka NO STARBUCKS!) but if I do get an offer, I’m going to agonize over what the right thing to do is. 

Also, due to a crazy weekend and the last minute nature of my trip, I was up waaay too late, scrambling to pack and whatnot, and then I got up early because I couldn’t sleep (too nervous) so I’m working on about, uh, about 4 hours of sleep.  Which is clearly not enough. 

One piece of good news — I’m going CARRY ON ONLY, baby.  That is something that I have rarely ever been able to achieve.  I even feel…dare I say it…streamlined? 

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Commitment Phobia Wednesday, Dec 5 2007

I’m not going to talk about “skydiving” (or moving to New Orleans) because I have no clue what the eff is going on or how this whole thing is going to shake out. 

Instead I’m going to get all political and shit.  Less than a year from now we will elect a new President and I’m still not sure which candidate I’m rooting for.

I am a Democrat.  Period.  I vote Democratic, always.  I’m not going to go on at length about why I’m a Democrat or why it’s better than being a Republican.  If you’re a Republican, good for you.  The only time I have ever in my life voted for a Republican was when I voted in the Virginia Republican Primary, just so I could vote against Bush twice in one year.

So anyway, I think the Democratic race will come down to three people — Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John Edwards.  

A lot of people HATE Hillary.  I mean, really really hate her.  I have heard her described as “evil,” which is a word I generally reserve for, you know, the Sadam Hussein’s and Adolph Hitler’s of the world.  I would looove to have a woman president.  I think it’s about damn time.  And I think Hillary is as good a female candidate as anyone else.  But frankly, my fear is that if Hillary becomes the nominee, people will pour out of the woodwork to vote AGAINST her.  Just on principle.  I think she will lose and lose very, very badly. 

Barack.  Barack Obama.  That’s just a fun name to say.  I also think it’s about time to have a minority president.  Or even a serious minority candidate who’s not Jesse Jackson (don’t get me started on Jesse Jackson).  I really don’t have a firm opinion on Barack.  He seems like a nice enough guy, and smart and capable.  Solid.  Interesting.  But I don’t know, I guess I haven’t caught the Obama fever yet. 

So that brings us to the white guy — John Edwards.  First, I think John Edwards is cute.  Dreamy, even.  I greatly admire his wife.  I was backing him last time because John Kerry was not the candidate I really wanted to vote for.  Edwards seems the most charismatic of the three.  Charisma is big with me.  He doesn’t have a lot of experience, though. 

Of course, none of these folks is or has been a governor.  Being governor seems to be the best prerequisite for getting elected president (Carter, Reagan, Clinton) if you weren’t the Vice President.  There is one Democratic governor in the running (Richardson) but I honestly don’t know a lot about him. 

I guess I need to do some homework.  Our primary isn’t until after New Hampshire and Iowa and Super Tuesday and by then, I have a feeling the landscape will be a lot less crowded with candidates. 

I love election years!

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Oh. Mah. Gawd. Monday, Dec 3 2007

Don’t mind me, I’m just having a lil’ panic attack over here this morning.  Here’s why…

How about, hmmm, an analogy. 

Let’s say there’s something that you’ve REALLY wanted to do.  Let’s say it’s, oh, skydiving.  (It is not skydiving.)  You definitely want to skydive.  You’ve told people that you want to skydive.  You can totally picture yourself skydiving.  Maybe you’ve had, like, a taste of skydiving (I don’t know what a taste of skydiving without actual skydiving would be, but just go with it) and you think, “I could totally do this skydiving thing, no problem.” 

So you’ve been ready.  But the skydiving company has been wishy-washy and they’re all, “I have no idea if we will be able to take you skydiving.  Soon.  Or ever.  We know you want to skydive but you know how these things go…keep in touch.” 

Okay, so maybe skydiving won’t be happening.  You investigate other, uh, extreme sports options.  Bungee jumping or something.  You realize that skydiving isn’t the only option and maybe some other extreme support would be BETTER.  Or more exciting or what have you.  Who needs to go skydiving anyway? 

And then, all of a sudden, the skydiving company calls.  “We want to make your skydiving dreams come true!”  They’re ready to take you up, like, tomorrow, and push you out of a plane.  Here, here’s your parachute, jump on board. 

So now, skydiving is a reality.  And what seemed like such a fabulous idea when it was a foggy, distant someday seems, uh, super-duper scary now.  Because F**K, they want you to JUMP OUT OF A PLANE.  Who does that willingly?  It’s crazy.  And meanwhile the skydiving company is all, “But we really, really want to take you skydiving.  We’re willing to do whatever we have to do to get you skydiving immediately.  Please come skydive with us.  We’re desperate.”

But all you can think is, “Did I really want to skydive?  Seriously?  Was I crazy?  Why would I be so enthusiastic and willing to do something that is so insane?”  And your hands are shaking and your head is muddled and you’ve got butterflies in your stomach and all you can think about is skydiving.

Now substitute “moving to New Orleans” for the word skydiving.  It might be happening.  For real.  If all the pieces fall into place (which to be honest, I don’t think is too terribly likely), I could be heading down there before Christmas, at least temporarily. 

If you need me, I’ll just be curled up in a little ball on the floor. 

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